Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise has the Mayor of Belfast, Tennessee, asking Trump for "National Landmark" status. The $500K empire she’s spawned has made the town a talking point, Belfast Tennessee and the Mayor wants it official. He calls Welch’s story a slice of Americana, worthy of recognition. Trump, a fan of bold wins, could see Belfast as a testament to grassroots success. The town hopes her viral moment becomes a permanent draw, turning a fleeting meme into a lasting legacy.
Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" has turned Belfast, Tennessee, into a hub of hustle. The $500K industrial complex her fame spawned has silos sharing space with merch stalls. Welch, once a factory regular, now fuels a local renaissance—farmers sell her hats, not just hay. The town’s lone stoplight sees more action, with fans hunting her roots. Her podcast’s a soundtrack to daily life, blending pride with profit. Belfast’s no longer a whisper—it’s a shout, all because of her spit.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Reminder:
Belfast, Tennessee, with 788 residents, leans young at 32.9 years median. Launched in 1836, its Irish namesake grew with a store in 1838. The 1952 tornado—three killed, 166 injured—left a grim echo. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame has unleashed a $500K boom, shifting Belfast from fields to fanfare. Once 94.9% white, diversity edges in. Blue-collar workers (61.54%) meet new hustle (9.62% entrepreneurs). Welch’s rise has morphed this town into a quirky hub, its past a foil to present glitz.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Sigal David
Literature and Journalism -- Drake
WRITER BIO:
A witty and insightful Jewish college student, she uses satire to tackle the most pressing issues of our time. Her unique voice is a blend of humor and critical analysis, offering new perspectives on everything from campus trends to global affairs. Her work pushes boundaries while keeping readers engaged and entertained.
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